#i dont often think about myself
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Ty @saltaccountonphone for tagging me😖💕
Last Song - Nat King Cole's "Nature Boy". I listen to this song frequently. It means a lot to me.
Currently Watching - Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood. It's so good! I should have watched it ages ago :)
Three Ships - Zelda × Link, Asuka × Shinji, Winry × Edward.
Favorite Color - Baby Blue👉👈 Likely because it's been a part of my life since the moment I was born. I was gifted a baby blue security blanket by my grandmother which I still have. However I like other hues of blue too. It's a very calming and natural color (like the sky or ocean). Runner up would be green for that same reason.
Currently Consuming - Blueberries😋
First Ship - I suppose it was Zelda x Link (OoT)
Place of Birth - I was delivered by Catholic nuns on an island far to the east (Japan)
Relationship Status - I have unfortunately been too busy to find someone... I work too hard. But it's always been my greatest dream to fall in love with a girl who loves me and spend the rest of our days together🥺👉👈💕 (I am a hopeless romantic, but too introverted to find someone) I just have to find the right person. Which is hard😞👉👈 My last girlfriend did some things that would not be considered healthy, and after reflection I had to break it off😞😞...
Last Movie - Secondhand Lions
Currently Working on:
Living
100% completing Pokémon Fire Red
Building a functioning hydroponics system
Learning to live with chronic pain
My taxess
Tagging - @wondertwin1 @m05t4rd3ntly @mistressxmommy @hentaiiibabyyyy @ifuckdumb
#again tysvm for tagging me!#and for helping me understand what a ship was👉👈#😖💕💕💕#this was so much fun#srry this took so long#i dont often think about myself#so i had to do some soul searching to find answers to these questions👉👈#sleepipipi
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HELLLOOOOO CHAT !! this is my formal apology for not posting art for like.. 3 ish months... school is actual ass and my art and motivation has suffered because of it,,,, however my artstyle continues to change every other week which is always fun
here is a funky shuichi painting i literally just finished!! (THAT WAS MEANT TO BE A RENDERING STUDY. I SPENT 7 HRS ON IT INSTEAD.) i hope you lot enjoy :3
#another post is incoming about asks and art asks#look out for it#shuichi saihara#danganronpa v3#drv3 art#my art#i figured out how to draw shuichis hair. this is big news.#guys i dont think ive ever rendered something like this before im so shocked by my own ability#danganronpa#MORE. ART. SOON.#im going to force myself to post things more often#its been so long ive got posting anxiety now oh goodness#i do NOT permit use for AI#i swear ill start crying#ps i might be starting commissions soon... if anyones interested... look out for a post sometime...
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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?
*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)
*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)
(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )
(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)
#polls#tumblr polls#I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup#the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli#section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff#so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just#blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most#neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol#I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me#but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T#I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee#person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times#But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol#And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly#When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one#sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it#Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something#Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and#coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single#coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to#have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus#make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as#possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get#to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol
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obsessive
#did i put more effort into this than i needed to? yes. did i put myself through unnecessary pain drawing fighting scenes? yes#but i learned how to outline my strokes so maybe i won after all#i thought about it and i think it turned out ok drawing the eyes differently. like the way i usually draw em#although i dont know if that says much since i change my art style every couple weeks but eh#had fun playing with grayscale and limited palette. i want to do that more often dhghdg#although idk whens the next time i will have enough energy to commit to the bit and do.. this#theyre fucking stupid your honor. for every art we get of them acting dramatic and yearning (/pos) i make dumb shit like this#equivalent exchange girlies!#lego monkie kid#lmk#monkie kid#lmk shadowpeach#shadowpeach#lmk sun wukong#lmk swk#sun wukong#lmk macaque#lmk six eared macaque#six eared macaque#liu er mihou#my art#myart#doodles#comic#lmk monkey king#lmk fanart
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having a very rough night so raph doodles needed to be made
when in need, mash two interests together
#i love him so muhc ghghgh#and uh please stop sending me asks straight up demanding me to draw more /nm#if u've sent me an ask just regarding art before pls dont feel anxious this is about people actually DEMANDING like im some sort of machine#im absent due to my work/mental health situation going up and down#tmnt will ofc always be special interest but right now its in the back row#theres little time for anything but work and meetings and thinking about work and.. well.. monster hunter escapism egsfkhjhh..#but yeah i promise im still here#and i want to draw him when i can#but stress is high right now and drawing takes too much wrist stamina to do often now#i hope u understand#sorry if i worded myself badly im very tired and stresed n its ... oh its 5am great. wellp. goodnight skafklgsjdklfnshh#my art#rise of the tmnt#rottmnt#nordidia art#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt raph#id in alt text#also one would think my art style is easy on my wrist but#i gorilla grip my pen and when i learned to write as a child i held the pencil jank#and it stuck like that#so its really rough on my hands#sadly
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Well here's an Art vs artist meme with some art from this year!
I don't think I've ever done one of these before, but I really like this jacket. It's a marlboro jacket but I don't smoke and I already feel bad telling people I don't have a light and that will be bad x100 when I'm literally wearing a cigarette jacket so I tried to cover the patch up with one I made. cause I really like this jacket
#most of my family smokes (which is why I don't) so no judgement but yeah I dont have any I can share.. I could carry a lighter for people ig#but damn. what a good jacket. you cant even see the whole thing and my cool red belt with it#anyways. I never share pictures of myself cause people often get weird but I really like clothes!#which famously go on a person#and this is popular meme so I think its a good way for me to like break the ice for myself#if I am gonna ever share clothes I make/collect#I go thrifting like. every so often. used to be about once a month but has been less frequent recently#cause I cant afford spending like $50 on pants or whatever so I just check regularly#and if I like anything EVER then I get it then#and then I just mend my clothes so I can use them as long as possible basically#cause I just can't wait til I need pants to go and find pants that I like#otherwise I'll either end up with something I dont like or something that was way too expensive!!!#shoes are the hardest cause my feet are deformed. which is so sad cause shoes are like. I love them so much...#anyways.#art vs artist#me#idk what to tag this whatever#bye#thats me thats my face#if anyone is weird I'm deleting the post
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im so glad im not the only person that looks at seungmin and goes "❓tism❓" bc he is Way Too Relatable to me as a person w autism
yeah..... like I say it in jest but also..... well, yk. sometimes you notice something and you notice something and you notice something and you go Hmmmm
#enby-peep#lol its funny for me personally bc i see a lot of stuff that reminds me of my cousins daughter........ and shes autistic#but everyone in our family constantly and my cousin especially is like Shes you. You are her. Youre so alike.#So you were autistic and that explains your childhood#and i was like Um. I dont know :) i dont know........ i refused it and then i went to the psych for my adhd#he was like 🤨 can you fill out these sheets... and it was to see if i was hitting the markers#and i was hitting them. I was hitting them out the park but i also knew exactly what to answer... not to hear it#so i just answered it... incorrectly to myself. anyway that was 3 yrs ago and i still go ???? why did you lie ??? wtf#so. maybe my seungmin commentary is sometimes a commentary on myself also#but its the same reason being sent to therapy as a teenager didnt work on me bc i knew exactly what to say to be#told what i wanted to hear- youre a mature smart young woman- youre good. id just lie to hear that even if it wasnt actually helpful#and i succeeded. Im a great actress. i didnt want help i wanted to be perceived as normal and i was for a minute. incorrectly.#and probably negatively maybe if i didnt lie i'd be different now but I did and I did it again 3 yrs ago but..... I think ive finally left#idk. my weird obsession with being 'normal' behind- i dont follow the script as much as i did before and im much more honest about how i am#this is an insane set of tags LMAO#so sorry#i dont talk about this stuff often and its An Anniversary today i accidentally used this ask as an emotional dumping ground#some people have journals (seungmin) i have tags on a tumblr post#peace and love on planet earth
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I try so hard to be nice. Seeing spamton so distressed makes me feel awful. I wanna reach through his screen, give him a hug and tell him it’ll be okay. But I’m nothing but a letter to him. Words on a screen he can easily ignore.
I want him to be happy, I want to whisk away every single bad ask and wrap spamton up in a blanket and give him the warmth and love he deserves. I really, really wish I could.
I suppose for now sending this will do. Thank you for the amazing stories, bu ❤️🩹 you’ve genuinely broken my heart for this poor man, I cannot wait to see more
But he hasn't. He doesn't ignore what you guys say. He really really cares about what you say, in fact. Easily ignorable, but he is paying attention. Anyways, thanks :-)
#Well#besides on purpose that one time but you deserved that then.#heres your little treat#drawing him just. takin a nap. is one of my favorites#tbh. Its just so like...#idk.. nice? peaceful? drawing him relaxed and getting his beauty sleep#catching those Zs#he deserves a little nap#ive been restraining myself from doing it more often in ygm i think its only really been twice#i count it as 1 1/2 because one was a blip#uhm.#but theres also other reasons.#bwomp.#sighhhh#nooo whaat this wasnt an excuse to draw him sleeping cause you said that whaaat#thyanks guys btw#it really means a lot to ME that you care about him so much#WAAGHHHH its SO sweet#yess king naptime#i really really wish you could comfort him too. i wish you could give him a hug or give him something too.#I really do.#He needs it.. but i have my reasons.#one of them being i dont want to draw some shitass weird anon they;d look so out of place
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tablet died right when i finished that wanda doodle but i still wanna doodle what if i ended it all
#snap chats#'snap thats a bit much dont you think' I KNOW KJARLKFJAR#whatever ill play rivals then ... its fine .... im ok .... i just wanted to draw tonight WHATEVER#i am once again having that 'problem' where Now That I Have Time i want to draw so many things#its so nice being excited to draw and not worrying about stuff i have to draw.... so cool i should have breaks more often vjALKJAKJ#I Want To Draw So Many Things OK PLAN OF ATTACK FOR RN#dont look if you dont want spoilers for what im gonna post in the coming days ..... or.. be disappointed when i dont jvlKAJLK#theyre vague as hell wtf am i on. i never reveal the plots for my drawins...... most of the time... 'plot' such a strong word girl shut up#theyre all comics because i can only draw comics ig idfk i hate myself. but i love cherik ... and thats what theyre all about. ofc.#i already started sketching one so maybe ill finisht aht tomorrow and theeene the other comic i have in mind shoudl Also be short#prob like. a page or two.. if i dont get extra with it..#and then Last One which'll prob take me back into my semester starting that one.....#i keep thinking it'll be a Big Grand Thing and maybe the nsft version but safe for tumblr ...#maybe like a page or two. three maybe.... or four.. idk we'll see#OR DONT HAHAHAHA i should be shot. ok BYYYYEEE im gonna go get shot <- playing marvel rivals
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i will cashapp $10 to the first person who can name 3 real life harmful things bob bryar did without accusing him of thought crime
#wordvomit#this isnt to say the things he said or thought are good or justifiable- just to point out that he never ACTED on them in any capacity#meanwhile he is being socially prosecuted to the extent as if he has. during such an awful time for his loved ones who are the only ones#who will be exposed to all this hate. possibly including the members of mcr#i understand thinking the things he said are sick and disliking him and being uncomfortable at the discussion but.#i dont understand how you can honestly morally justify half of the stuff people have been saying- like 'he deserved it' and whatnot#without contradicting the 'thoughtcrime isnt real' sentiment i see get thrown around so often ?#isnt the Overarching issue with conservatism as a whole not the idea of . moral purity and puritanism and#'everyone. everything and every idea ontologically different from mine and my communities-#they are objectively worse and i deserve power over them as retribution for what they've done'#ie colonialism. racism. yadda yadda#these are false comparatives bc discrimination based on unchangeable factors vs backlash to opinion is vry different but i still think#the core idea of 'no one who has not enacted harm deserves harm wished on them' kinda shines through it all#and there is a semantic debate to be had about the definition of harm but in this case i am using it to mean anything more Tangible#something that has a wider influence than 'the people who read/heard it were upset and uncomfortable' yea ?#im been waffling about this a lot and why it hasnt been sitting right with me as someone who is incredibly uncomfortable with a lot of his#final statements#it just reminds me so much of my dad and what ive watched him go through#as well as other people in my community during the pandemic#i cant disconnect myself from the humanity of that. especially while condemning him for lacking humanity
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I always render the face first (its not even fair...)
#i keep thinking of au lore to go with this drawing (hey??? I DONT WANT ANOTHER AU- I HAVE MULTIPLE IM NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT)#thank u to those of u actively in my notifs even now <3#ill come by hehe#posting a lil treat because its been a while (a wip... and not even the full wip lol im sorry (muah))#me looking at my almost done art : hmmm.... too close to finished to post a wip of.... but not ready to be posted posted yet..........#the solution may be snippets if u want#little sneak peeks#i might do that actually#sorry if it gets anoying lol I WANNA GET INTO THE CONTENT CREATION MINDSET JUST A LITTLE SOMEHOW (it was motivating when i posted often!!.#now i draw more for myself. but i can go back to posting more and keep the balance ! (trust !))#anyhow#getou suguru fanart#jjk#jjk fanart#呪術廻戦#getou suguru#geto my beloved#wip#夏油傑
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it has always baffled me that ASL isn't taught as a second language in American schooling. or as a requirement for certain jobs that work with, well, people. the HLAA says that around 48 million Americans have hearing loss!! 1 in 5 teenagers!! 1 in 3 people over the age of 60!!! it's crazy to me that sign isn't more widely taught and used considering that you probably DO or WILL know someone who has hearing loss at some point in their life
#i know this is definitely not a new topic of conversation but i just think about it so often#obviously ableism and ageism is just rampant in america and thats why asl isnt more widely taught#because the thought in america is why would we help out the minority#or people think to themselves 'whats the chance ill ever need it'#and im like ???? probably higher than you think dude!!#i have friends with hearing loss and i have deteriorating hearing in my left ear as well (enough to notice in school but nothing crazy)#and thinking of that makes me think wow. i should really learn ASL#working in food service makes me think wow!!! i should really learn asl!!!#which i AM going to do mark my fucking words#anyway. i dont even know where this rant came from#motivation to learn!! and communicate with people different than me because i CAN#i guess i just wish it was more accessible to learn in schools or even mandatory!#westy's shit#rambling#i need to educate myself more on this topic and this is serving as my reminder
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I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...
Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner
*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)
And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -
TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows
This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).
So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.
Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.
Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.
Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).
But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).
In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.
Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.
Now, doing the same thing for movies-
Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)
That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).
116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.
So, a for broader summary stuff..
I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.
If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.
ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.
I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0
#maybe this is my version of spotify wrapped lol.. Lifetime Media Google Doc Wrapped.. kind of.. except I'm not going over specific titles.#I can't do this with music since I rarely EVER look for new music or add to my Youtube To MP3 folder library as I just don't really#listen to music that often. When I'm working (the majority of when I seek background noise) I need like.. people's talking voices#for some reason. Just instruments and singing are not distracting enough to me to work as background noise because theyre#almost TOO in the background if that makes sense? like if I put music on then I just tune it out and it's virtually no different#than if I were daydreaming stream of consciousness thoughts in an entirely quiet room lol. And I can't really do it with books since#essentially 100% of what I read is non-fiction. usually about some specific subject or academic topic OR stuff like#1800s magazines or cookbooks or historical people's diaries. Which is not really.. the type of thing I would#rank as easily I guess? like 'ooh yeah putting the sociology textbook in my top 5 hee hee right next to the 1920s radio recipes book' lol.#Then for games... I just sadly dont play enough of them. I've been banned from new games as I've told myself I cant play anyting#long form (no rpgs or etc) until I actually finish MY OWN game first - to keep me from wasting time. so on average#I play... 0 new games a year. ToT... I do play the sims sometimes but that's really all (which is not a new game at all since#I've been playing it on and off for years). Thus I guess movies/TV are really the only things that make sense#to collect this sort of information on. I could do youtube videos I guess also but that seems kind of strange like...#giving a rating to every single video I watch in a ranked list lol.. Especially since I would say a good 85% of the time#they are exclusively background noise whilst I'm working on something or cleaning the house or etc. and not things I pay serious attention#to. There are only a few specific topics/types/creators of videos I watch where I'm ACTUALLY sitting in front of a screen paying#direct attention to the content (usually when it's educational or political things). Everything else is too mindless to even rank.#ANYWAY... ever analyzing my little hermit Weird Relationship To Media (in the sense of seemingly not processing or getting the same#things out of it as many other seem to). I think that can contribute sometimes to the whole difficulty socializing and stuff#since our culture is very centered around media consumption generally speaking. People want to talk about The New Movie that came#out or The Big TV Show Of The Year. and for me it's like.. highly likely I just plain have NOT seen it. Or if i have. statistically#I most likely was entirely ambivalent if not slightly negative towards it lol. Which just kind of takes the steam out of a 'fun' 'casual'#conversation and you seem like a bit of a bummer if most of your only feedback is either 'idk what that is' or 'oh yea... i did#see that one.... i didnt like it all that much though... I think it'd be better with elves in it.. and 7 hours longer..'' lol..#Which I am not disliking things in a 'grr i hate it bc its popular'/just to be contrarian way. I actually dislike that mindset/find it#silly (by striving so hard to be counterculture you are thus still defining yourself by the whims of external culture - just in the#opposite direction. but are still just as preoccupied with the mainstream (going against it) as everyone else. etc. lol..)) In my#case I think it IS just having niche hyperspecific tastes.. for example- it peeves me when cell phones are in media bc I dont want to be#reminded at ALL of the real world. so.. cross off anything set in modern times. so on & etc. Judging all things by these weird criteria lol
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AND I MET THE CHANGE GOD TOO. OKAY. COOL OKAY
#I WASNT EVEN MEANING TO SO I ACCIDENTALLY SKIPPED THE DIALOGUE BEFORE I KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING FUCK#ill go and find it later if only to give myself peace of mind. BUT WOW. WHAT THE FUCK#my original plan was to 1) work my way to the king and talk to him 2) doom myself and take everyone down with me 3) loop back to floor 3#so i can visit the observatory and scrounge for any lore. although since i got killed that run siffrin asked the king to kill him first#which was intereresting. but i decided to have all doors unlocked that time around so i can just get the starcrest and go#but for some reason it wasnt working so i went to get the keyknife since i was already there and completely forgot i already had it#from the previous loop and THATS what triggered it. IT WAS FUNNY BUT ALSO SCARY BUT ALSO I THINK I GET WHAT THEY MEAN#about siffrin going back without actually changing. going along with a script even if his feelings on things change#the same way he has his own small rituals like the carving thing and does it for constancy. reassurance or safety even#and the times when he breaks script and ends horribly like the sadness attacking thing and bonnie yelling at him cause him to loop#to avoid it. although i cant really say anything bc id probably do the same thing. maybe not for the same reasons since im cruel#and make him do the worst to see what will happen since i put curiosity over rejection sensitivity as an observer and player but well.#i feel wrongfooted bringing it up since i dont have it myself but i have to wonder if this kind of leans into ocd tendencies.. i remember#reading something about how ocd is fuelled by fear. and things like counting and rituals are kind of used to cope with that?#if anyone knows anything more or talked abt it already id be really interested in hearing it bc im almost sure im not#the first to come to this conclusion. but i simply dont know enough nor have the confidence to broach the topic rn esp with how often#misconceptions around ocd get casually passed around so its hard for me to know what is and isnt a baseless assumption#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#playthru#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#change god#WHAT WAS THAT WITH WEARING LOOPS FACE THOUGH WHAT THE FUCKKK
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sorry i havent been posting i think im burnt out rn
#ill come back around#this is a cycle i go thru often#it doesnt help that ive kinda#i guess ive just kind of grown bored of utmv?#like ok u know when your hyperfixation kinda moves to the backburner#its not GONE its just kind of going dormant#ive been thinking abt moving to a sideblog for a fresh start#because i know 99% of the people following me are doing so for my utmv art#and i kinda feel bad about. yk. not delivering lmao#and i dont think ill be delivering for a while#like. idk i just feel like i need a break from utmv. refresh my palette and all that#so. yeah i guess this is my way of saying there probably wont be much sans art for a while#sorry#skeledoodles#fallout#fo4#fo4 brainrot#fallout 4#fo4 john hancock#idk what else to tag this#i think my burnout will be less bad when i feel less pressured to draw utmv stuff#my brain needs to get up and stretch ok#i told myself from the beginning of this blog that i would create what i WANT and not whats expected of me#but ive found that it is definitely. very easy to fall into this trap lol#but i will try to create more of what i actually want to draw because thats like healthy n stuff idk
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i dont think i made his hair big enough honestly
#i have a speech outline for one of my classes due in a couple days and im very stressed#ive been freaking myself out over that class a lot more recently. like#getting so anxious i feel like im going to vomit right before presenting#im usually able to reason myself out of panicking like that but it totally got me last time….. i guess i just lost my grip a little#aaahhhgh#ill get over it#anyways i dont draw curly hair enough. i need to do it more often#iv e been thinking about sho a lot recently (translation: obsession phase)#im making a stageplay shou post at some point soon. i want to really bad#specifically reigen&shou… its important to me#its very. i cant even make a keysmash accurate enough for me right now#mew is moody everybody RUN#mob psycho 100#mp100#sho suzuki#shou suzuki#doodles#meowmeow art#mob psycho fanart
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